Why am I little?

I'm 4!

Why am I a little? I used to be an Adult Baby. However, when my incontinence was fixed and I did not have to wear nappies/diapers any more, I realised my behaviour, my essential character, had always been older than a 2- or 3-year-old – I was much more of a little boy. So I confidently state that I am a 4-year-old little boy to my friends, family and the world on social media and this site.

I'm 4!

Some people want to be littles or adult babies for sexual reasons. This has never been true for me. Indeed, whilst I had quite a lot of sex at university, I hated it every time. I simply do not like sex, and I am just fine with that. Anyway, if you even know the word, sex for a 4-year-old means ‘boy or girl’

Other people want to be adult babies or littles so they can experience uncomplicated love and be cared for. It is certainly true that there was a time in my life when I did not receive much love; fortunately, now I experience a lot of love – both from my incredibly loving partner and an awful lot of friends. I like getting help, as a 4-year-old needs, but I don’t want to be totally dependent. 4-year-olds struggle to have as much freedom in their life as they are capable.

The primary reason that I demonstrated I was little even though it was doing a ‘grown up’ thing was 4 the first time (well, I suppose I demonstrated I was little a lot of the time when I was 4 the first time, but this is a nice example). Soon after my birthday my mother joined a book club and she had a choice of free books at the start of her membership. I asked if one of the books could be The World Atlas of Wine as I felt it would be an interesting thing to learn about. I wanted to explore what was so interesting about a drink.

I loved that book, I would spend hours pouring over it. The world of wine seemed so exciting, with so much to explore. I was fascinated.

Then when I went to school and finally to Oxford University where I got four degrees, including a doctorate, it was always sciences at which I was most interesting and I excelled at. Sciences were investigations into how the world works.

To summarise, I have always believed that the life (and everything in it) was an adventure to be explored rather than a problem to be solved. The former is the attitude children, particularly young children, have about life. The latter is the typical adult view of life. I have never thought of life like that, because I have always had, even if it was often expressed through adult things like advanced science, a young child’s view of how to live my life.

Davy exploring

Secondly, I am a Zen master; to put it more accurately, I have highly trained mindfulness skills. The essence of mindfulness is living in the moment of what you are doing, as opposed to having a busy mind filled with conflicting, distracting thoughts.

Children almost always live in the moment; they have not gathered a lifetime’s worth of distractions, worries or problems. I strongly identify with this mode of experiencing life: when I do something, be it colouring or polishing my wine glasses, I am completely absorbed in that activity and all distracting thoughts just drift out of my mind.

Mindfulness is a great skill that I urge you to discover more about. Not only does mindfully colouring a picture make you feel incredibly little, you can also use it in your adult life to enhance it and deal with problems. Long time readers may be aware that I have had awful problems with my back and, more recently, cubital tunnel syndrome has caused me a lot of pain in my arm and hand. These have only been moderately debilitating because, unless the pain has been too extreme, I have been able to live in the moment of whatever I have been doing and simply not engage with the thoughts of pain that were constantly trying to grab my mind’s attention. It is an amazingly powerful technique and a great way for adult babies and littles to feel like their true, little selves.

Zen onesie

Which brings me to my final point:

“You might as well be yourself as everyone else is taken”, Oscar Wilde

“The more you are yourself the more people will like you”, my partner

They are both right! I have never lost a friend by getting Toast the teddy out during a dinner party. I strongly feel that we can serve ourselves best by being our true selves and not hiding behind a façade. I know people who habitually lie to themselves and others about who they really are and they are really tragic people to know.

So part of who I am is someone who believes that life is an adventure to be explored not a problem to be solved. I am always usually living in the moment of what I am doing. Furthermore, I am very friendly, very excitable, funny, silly, playful, enthusiastic, need taking care of but strive to be independent, am extremely attached to Toast and my other soft toys (and other toys), will sing little songs or do little dances when I am happy (I even sing songs to winemakers in tastings if they have really good wines!), like bright, colourful clothes, will go into the baker’s growling and announce “I am a cake monster, give me cake!” (and go back to growling whilst the shop staff ask my partner, “Is he allowed cake?”), and so on.

So that it my true character, which I unashamedly express. Is that not, in a very real and meaningful sense, being little?

  • Fenris Ackerman

    Ahh! So cute! I think from now on, if I happen to be in a bakery, I’ll just be waiting for you to burst through the door, growling!

    Indeed, I understand the appeal of being a baby, especially if you have a partner to look after you and comfort you. But, alas, I too am more of a little than a baby, although I’m not quite sure what age. 4 years old would probably be the most accurate, I suppose!

    Than you for another lovely post!

    • Thank you for commenting again, it’s nice to know I have repeat visitors! Well, I know I do, according to Google Analytics I get an awful lot of regular readers – I wish I could write more to keep people diverted from inconsequential things like work. Unfortunately my dodgy mental health status means that writing a thousand word article like this leaves me mentally exhausted and spent. Moreover, I have three blogs I write for, which means I am almost always ‘written out’. I try my hardest for all my readers, but sometimes publishing regular posts is way beyond me.

      I also get quite a lot of corespondence from all my sites, which I absolutely love (apart from when some weirdo perv writes a long tract about how they would like me – and, oddly, often my wife as well?!? – to do to them. Straight into the trash!)! If someone has taken the time to contact me I feel I would be doing them a disservice not to reply in full. On my wine site I often get emails from wine merchants when I write about a wine that is rubbish saying they completely agree with me that the wine is rubbish, but they cannot write a comment on the tasting note saying that, as they have to sell the wine!

      You definitely do not have to say ‘alas’ about being four, it is a great age to be. A lot of my university friends have had children. I’ve been able to watch them grow up, and four years old seems to be the sweet spot for being a ‘little little’. They havie a wonderful, exciting life filled with uncomplicated fun, happiness and general pleasure, totally free from adult worries and neuroses. I love being four! And, if this is your thing, there’s no shame in wearing nappies if you are four.

      Right, this reply is so long it’s almost rude, I shall shut face now and see if I can get an afternoon kip – I didn’t get any sleep last night and I’m terribly worn out:(

      Bye for now!

      • Fenris Ackerman

        Thank you another lovely reply, I apologize for another late response!

        I had NO idea you had a wife, Davy! You should have mentioned it sooner, I would have wished her a nice weekend! Hahaha, oh dear, I hope that person, or persons – and their rather disturbing tastes – enjoys the trash can then and doesn’t persist in writing to you about sexual congress with you and your invisible wife!

        And yes, four is a great age to be! Calling it a ‘sweet spot’ is actually a perfect way of describing it, its not too old or too little! It’s old enough to feel a sense of independence during play (and certainly old enough to delight in some mischief!), yet its still young enough to reap almost all the benefits of being little, like being able to use diapers and pacifiers and such. Not to say that you can’t enjoy those things while regressing to an older age, of course not! People can, and do! I’ve just found that it is most enjoyable for me personally when I’m four!
        Similarly to you, I can remember when my cousins where that age (although I myself was a child at the time, I’m still hoping for a niece or nephew from my brother in the foreseeable future, at the very least!), and it was probably one of the contributing factors to my fixation of being little as I grew up. They lived very happy lives, and were burdened by very little.To say I was fiercely jealous would be an understatement!

        Thank you again for replying, and, as you can see by my own extensive reply, I don’t mind at all that your response was long. In fact, its positively lovely to read! I’m very happy I decided to comment on your last post, I was previously too shy to do it, but it was most definitely worth it for the lovely conversations we’ve had!
        You have many other regular readers who adore your blog, and I’m sure most would agree that we’d happily wait an eternity for one of your posts, if it meant you wouldn’t leave yourself mentally exhausted like that. We’d rather you posted in your own time, instead of struggling to do it regularly, especially now, since your on a long road to the recovery of your arm!

        But on that note, before I exhaust you with my rambling, I hope you have caught up on sleep since your reply, and I hope you have a nice weekend!

      • It’s very kind of you to keep replying! I had no idea I had a wife either, until this person or persons told me what we should be doing to him/them. It was really rather sordid. I’ve also had people sending me enormous tracts about how they are to be treated if they go to the preschool I’ve been to. They are unbelievably self-obsessed. Unlike you where you have engaged in a dialogue and communicated with the desire of getting a response, these people just tell me what they want and expect me to make it happen. Dreadful people.

        It’s nice to know young children. They are so happy and desire uncomplicated fun. When I was last at my friends’ house in Burgundy he had a four and a nearly three year old son. I didn’t bother tasting many of the wines he had, I was playing with his kids! My big brother and I took along our Nerf guns and wooden swords and had a whale of a time fighting battles in their garden. It was a hoot. The only problem was they had far more energy than us and when we were exhausted and wanted to sit down with a glass of wine they were still urging us to come and attack their treehouse even more.

        I’m glad you appreciate being four. I only just releasised four would be the best for me two years ago. So I’ve had two fourth birthday’s since then! Do you celebrate ‘kid’ birthdays or are you obliged to have grown-up events? I am lucky to have a partner (and so is he) who organises childish birthdays with our little friends. I’ve met a lot of people I know on Twitter and Facebook and some have become really good friends. They come around for play dates. Do you have friends you can do that with.

        I realise I don’t know how old you are (you are not obliged to tell me, of course) but having some weird people thinking I’m much older, a lot older, than 4 does give one a certain freedom: You have have your own place, you are generally more comfortable with who you are, so you are not bothered about going out in ‘kid’ clothes, and so on. I may have walked around in toddler clothes when I was doing my four degrees at Oxford, but I feel a lot more comfortable doing it now! And I can afford better clothes!

        Ok, I’ve wittered on long enough for half-five in the morning. I trust you are well and happy. Anon!

      • Fenris Ackerman

        Ahh! I’m so sorry, I completely forgot to check for your reply! That was really rude of me, I apologize! Thank you for continuing to reply to me, its lovely to speak with you like this!

        But yes, knowing young children is a real treat! I’m lucky enough to be acquainted with one of my neighbors children, who – when I am dragged to the sinfully unentertaining meetings my village has – often finds me drags me back away in the opposite direction! I realize I know very little about her, since she’s never actually told me her name, although I know that she can’t be any older than four years of age, if not three. I do know, however, that she happens to be one of those children who sees no problem in going up and interacting with strangers, which is really rather sweet! She always tugs me away from the adults (which was quite alarming the first time she did that, considering I had no idea who she was) and takes me over to the small and rather bare corner dedicated to entertaining the kids! It’s only made up of a large box of legos, but it’s so nice to be able to sit there and play with her and the other kids! I’m very lucky to know her!

        And it’s lovely to hear that you get so many repeat visitors! Even though you may not post too often, the stuff you post is always so lovely to read, and your writing is simply immaculate! Sometimes looking at ABDL-ish websites on the internet makes the whole idea of being little seem kind of heavy, like its this big commitment where you have to give up a normal life. Of course, that’s not true, but sometimes it does feel as such. But your blog isn’t like that! It’s always bubbly and fun to read, with your tales of your wine tastings and – most recently – of your bakery break-ins! And its also really nice to read stuff from a fellow little!

        Ah, yes, although I’d love to be older and enjoy the benefits of living in my own house, where I can be little to my hearts content, I’m actually only 15. Hahaha, you have nooo idea how tempted I was to bump up my age until it sounded slightly more respectable, but it would be cruel not to be honest with you when you have been so very honest and kind to me. I know a lot of ABs and littles start young, but I’m kind of embarrassed by my age! It sounds kinda silly, surely, if anything, being younger should be an advantage for me in being little. Buuttt it only makes me feel immature against people like you who have more control over your lives, and have your own home and are able to more freely make decisions for yourself. And you get to go to those lovely little events, which look amazing!

        I have, however, been blessed with a best friend who is completely accepting of my little side, and who I am planning on owning a flat with, perhaps in our second year of university! I certainly have massive plans for what kiddie things I want to get – most of which I will probably never be able to afford – to compensate for the time I’ll have to wait before I can get them (I am seriously buying all the little pajamas I can get my hands on)! And when the time arrives, I need to organize myself a kid birthday, because that sounds so amazingly fun! 😀

        Sorry for rambling for so long! I hope you have – and are having – a lovely weekend!

      • You really have no need to apologise for not leaving a comment on someone’s blog! It is my blog, I am supposed to provide the content (although it is super lovely of you and everyone who comments to add a bit more colour to the site:)!

        15 years old! You youth! Enjoy it whilst it lasts! Wear the most childish clothes you can, let your hair grow long in a big mess and claim it hurts if anyone tries to comb it, beg for a milkshake/cake/bag of sweets every time you go passed a shop that has fun things in it, you know? Be a kid whilst you still are one!

        I was, alas, forced to grow up very quickly and didn’t have much time to be a kid. I’m making up for it now!

        Oh yes, I went into the baker’s on Friday and my partner ordered a baguette. The shop assistant said, “So you are not going to feed the cake monster, then?” And she grinned broadly. My partner said, “Oh alright. What cake do you want?” I growled and chose the biggest, most impractical cake that would leave my face and hands covered in cream after I’d finished it. The shop assistant handed my partner some serviettes and said, “I think the cake monster will need these” and she giggles again.

        And yes, my partner did lick the serviettes and rub my face clean on Winchester’s High Street 😀

      • Fenris Ackerman

        Hahahaha! Yes, I’ll definitely strive to enjoy being young while I still am! Like you said, there are quite a few advantages to it; I’m still allowed to practically smother myself with the amount of plush toys I still have on my bed, and I’ve made ‘Chocolate Friday’ an official affair in our household!

        And you should enjoy being an adult! Drink lots of nice wine, stay in bed for as long as humanly possible, and go to a supermarket and buy lots of weird sounding foods that you’ve never tried! Drive past a school and laugh at all the children trapped within its confines (also if that school happened to be mine I would totally slip you some chocolate croissants through the gate because they are literally the most delicious thing in the world, I don’t know how they even make them, the school probably has some secret formula that keeps me in a sugary haze for the rest of the day), and then promptly drive to the nearest bakery to divest them of all of their largest and most generously iced cakes, and possibly all of their serviettes as well.

        That reminds me! If you ever consider putting some more items on your store, you should totally print a t-shirt with the words ‘cake monster’ on it! 😀

      • Good idea! I can design a cake monster t-shirt. Maybe not instantly, though as I have a lot of other (boring) stuff to write. I’m glad you are going to embrace your youthful years, you look a tiny, tiny bit less cute wearing kid clothes when you are 42 ?

      • Fenris Ackerman

        No way! You have plenty of pictures of yourself wearing little clothes on your blog, and you suit them a lot more than I would, I’m jealous! And don’t stress about the t-shirt, take all the time you need! I just thought it would be perfect for you if you were to make it!

        Anyway, have a nice weekend!

      • Oh you flatterer, you! I am just happy to wear the clothes I feel most comfortable wearing, without worrying too much how cute I look. They make me feel I’m being more ‘myself’, and that’s what matters. But many thanks for your kind words!

        I think I will make a Cake Monster T-shirt, but considering the sluggish sales of my current line of t-shirts there is no real rush 😉

        Thank you for paying another visit to Toddlerism and thank you for your kind words!

      • Oh if you are interested, about 25% of my visitors are repeat visitors, 60% come from Google and the rest come from links on other sites. I think 25% repeat visitors is pretty good given how rarely I’ve been posting lately 🙂

  • Lovely post like always hun, 🙂 hugs, I really need to start blogging more about regression and little and leave the stress of adult hood where is belongs in the future lol I hope to get back to it one day 🙂

    Hugs love the post.

    • Glad you like it, Lue! Thanks for commenting ?

      • I would of tweeted it but you only tweeted it on your private account so I felt I better not 🙂 hugs to you, danni, taste and pus cat.

      • Oh please do re-Tweet, but I’d prefer it if you said “@LittleBoyDavy wrote this…”, rather than “@elitistreview wrote…” Because the @LittleBoyDavy account is more appropriate for this blog post. *hugs*

      • I was going to but when you have it private it disables the retweet options, I will manually right it a little later for you 🙂 love your work hun.

  • Brian Burch

    Best. Blog. Ever.
    – Brian Burch

    • Thank you, Brian! I think some other posts have been better – had more jokes in, you know?

  • James

    It was a real joy to read this. Your attitude to being little never ceases to put a smile on my face and only more so seeing you writing much more positively and vivaciously.
    You certainly give me hope of being able to express myself more openly in near future. Furthermore, I really hope the CTS calms down sharpish!

  • Ida

    Hi. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years (and recomending it to people at a Swedish little-forum) and usually really like what you write. (Don’t worry, I liked it this time too!) I figured I would actually say something for once. Your blog has meant a lot to me, the ways I think about being little and I’ve found some nice shops through here. Also, I’m usually four or five myself, when I’m little. It’s a great age! ^^

    • Hello Ida,
      I’m pleased you like the site and very flattered that you tell other people about it! It is nice to be good enough to be recommended:) My partner is a Finn who lived in Stockholm untl16 years ago, clearly I have some draw over people from you area of the world. 4 is a great age to be, I’m glad you enjoy it!

  • Cutie Patootie

    Ahh maybe one day I’ll be as brave as you!!! Such cuteness.

  • Little Peter Rabbit

    I love your blog Davey! You’re words never cease to be inspiring and up lifting. I particularly love reading your posts relating to mental health (I work in mental health care so I’m happy that I’ve found a blog that covers two things which are very close to my heart). It’s always heart warming to read about how you’ve reached a point in your life where you’re proud of being 100% yourself without feeling shame or guilt etc, especially in front of friends/family. I lied to myself/others for many years about who I am at heart (I even endured a 6 year relationship without being open about it) and I know one day I will be as brave as you 🙂 But for now it’s a step-by-step journey. It took so long for me to just build up the nerve to tell my current girlfriend my true age! (But it worked out for the best as she is now my Mummy as well as my girlfriend).

    Look forward to reading more of your blog in the future!
    (Apologies for the shameful self promotion, but if you ever get the time, feel free to pop over to my blog at http://www.peterslittlesecret.wordpress.com where I write about my journey to self acceptance).


    • Hello Peter,

      I’m pleased you like the blog – thank you for your kind words about it! I’m afraid I don’t post with furious regularity as I write two other blogs and, thanks (I assume) to my array of mental illnesses, writing a blog post takes several days to build up to and days to come down from. I’m planning to write a restaurant review on one of my sites tomorrow and I’m already getting twitchy and nervous as the plan for it takes shape.

      I read a bit of your blog and it’s good you can manage to be open with your partner – it’s the best thing to do. Next you should try and persuade her to take you on a country walk with you wearing a toddler clothes and wearing a toddler harness: http://toddlerism.com/2013/02/adult-baby-harness/ ;D Well, maybe someday…

      It’s definitely best to be yourself. My partner was aware I was bonkers before he moved over from Sweden (indeed the day he moved over to England he had to collect the keys to my flat from the reception of the psychiatric ward I was then sectioned in. They wouldn’t even let me see him… oh dear…) and we were both AB’s so everything was clear from the start – made things somewhat easier.

      What surprised me was when he told me he loved me and I realised I loved him. I’d never realised I was gay. Take love where you find it, I thought!

      I shall try to remember to drop by your blog in the future, thank you so much for visiting mine and saying such kind things about it. If you ever fancy a chat my contact details are on the ‘Contacts’ page. Good luck with things in your relationship!

    • Oh yes, if you comment again or chat with me, please note how my name is spelled. For reasons to long and involved to go into I am never Davey or Dave.