Why am I little?

I'm 4!

Why am I a little? I used to be an Adult Baby. However, when my incontinence was fixed and I did not have to wear nappies/diapers any more, I realised my behaviour, my essential character, had always been older than a 2- or 3-year-old – I was much more of a little boy. So I confidently state that I am a 4-year-old little boy to my friends, family and the world on social media and this site.

I'm 4!

Some people want to be littles or adult babies for sexual reasons. This has never been true for me. Indeed, whilst I had quite a lot of sex at university, I hated it every time. I simply do not like sex, and I am just fine with that. Anyway, if you even know the word, sex for a 4-year-old means ‘boy or girl’

Other people want to be adult babies or littles so they can experience uncomplicated love and be cared for. It is certainly true that there was a time in my life when I did not receive much love; fortunately, now I experience a lot of love – both from my incredibly loving partner and an awful lot of friends. I like getting help, as a 4-year-old needs, but I don’t want to be totally dependent. 4-year-olds struggle to have as much freedom in their life as they are capable.

The primary reason that I demonstrated I was little even though it was doing a ‘grown up’ thing was 4 the first time (well, I suppose I demonstrated I was little a lot of the time when I was 4 the first time, but this is a nice example). Soon after my birthday my mother joined a book club and she had a choice of free books at the start of her membership. I asked if one of the books could be The World Atlas of Wine as I felt it would be an interesting thing to learn about. I wanted to explore what was so interesting about a drink.

I loved that book, I would spend hours pouring over it. The world of wine seemed so exciting, with so much to explore. I was fascinated.

Then when I went to school and finally to Oxford University where I got four degrees, including a doctorate, it was always sciences at which I was most interesting and I excelled at. Sciences were investigations into how the world works.

To summarise, I have always believed that the life (and everything in it) was an adventure to be explored rather than a problem to be solved. The former is the attitude children, particularly young children, have about life. The latter is the typical adult view of life. I have never thought of life like that, because I have always had, even if it was often expressed through adult things like advanced science, a young child’s view of how to live my life.

Davy exploring

Secondly, I am a Zen master; to put it more accurately, I have highly trained mindfulness skills. The essence of mindfulness is living in the moment of what you are doing, as opposed to having a busy mind filled with conflicting, distracting thoughts.

Children almost always live in the moment; they have not gathered a lifetime’s worth of distractions, worries or problems. I strongly identify with this mode of experiencing life: when I do something, be it colouring or polishing my wine glasses, I am completely absorbed in that activity and all distracting thoughts just drift out of my mind.

Mindfulness is a great skill that I urge you to discover more about. Not only does mindfully colouring a picture make you feel incredibly little, you can also use it in your adult life to enhance it and deal with problems. Long time readers may be aware that I have had awful problems with my back and, more recently, cubital tunnel syndrome has caused me a lot of pain in my arm and hand. These have only been moderately debilitating because, unless the pain has been too extreme, I have been able to live in the moment of whatever I have been doing and simply not engage with the thoughts of pain that were constantly trying to grab my mind’s attention. It is an amazingly powerful technique and a great way for adult babies and littles to feel like their true, little selves.

Zen onesie

Which brings me to my final point:

“You might as well be yourself as everyone else is taken”, Oscar Wilde

“The more you are yourself the more people will like you”, my partner

They are both right! I have never lost a friend by getting Toast the teddy out during a dinner party. I strongly feel that we can serve ourselves best by being our true selves and not hiding behind a façade. I know people who habitually lie to themselves and others about who they really are and they are really tragic people to know.

So part of who I am is someone who believes that life is an adventure to be explored not a problem to be solved. I am always usually living in the moment of what I am doing. Furthermore, I am very friendly, very excitable, funny, silly, playful, enthusiastic, need taking care of but strive to be independent, am extremely attached to Toast and my other soft toys (and other toys), will sing little songs or do little dances when I am happy (I even sing songs to winemakers in tastings if they have really good wines!), like bright, colourful clothes, will go into the baker’s growling and announce “I am a cake monster, give me cake!” (and go back to growling whilst the shop staff ask my partner, “Is he allowed cake?”), and so on.

So that it my true character, which I unashamedly express. Is that not, in a very real and meaningful sense, being little?