Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier

Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier mug shot

I like Baby-Pants.com. I like them a lot. I like Baby Pants so much that I decided they would be the only company I would advertise on Toddlerism. Today I am reviewing my payment for sending thousands upon thousands of people to Baby Pants. I should assure you, I am very hard to buy, so my review will be accurate and objective even though they are an advertiser. Anyway, even with these freebies, my advertising of Baby Pants has been so effective it is me doing them a favour rather than them buying me.

The highlight of today’s review is the Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier. Some of us have been waiting for this for an awful long time. It has promised improved shield design, a better, silicone rubber sucky bit of large toddler-suitable dimensions, and it was promised it would not cost the Earth. As I said, mine was a reward for services rendered, but you can get a Baby Pants Classic pacifier for $29.95. That’s not so much for a custom-made article if it lives up to it’s promises. So let’s see if it does!

First the shield of the Baby Pants Classic pacifier. Here it is next to my general use, mod’ed, baby pacifier with a Nuk 5 business end:

Shield size of the Baby Pants Classic pacifier

That’s big! Much bigger than a baby pacifier shield. I would have compared it with an un-mod’ed Nuk 5 but I cannot find any of mine having put them away for not being cute enough. I’m sure the Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier would have a bigger shield, though.

I am a tiny, weeny bit irked that the blue colour of the adult baby pacifier is not as bright and, well, childish as my old pacifier. It is a tad institutional, if you see what I mean. It is my fault for choosing the blue one, though, there are colourful and multi-coloured options available. I just wanted blue for boys!!!

The size of the shield means it will look comparatively larger when in your mouth compared to a normal pacifier. Want to see?

Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier mug shot

I don’t look very happy in that picture so shall we try again?

Happy Davy sucking away

Now, a shield so large is going to be heavy and make it more likely to tip to one side of your mouth if you sleep on your side or even fall out entirely if you don’t suck/bite hard enough. To counter that you need to have a large business end for you to grip in your mouth. Here’s the one on the Baby Pants Classic pacifier (I’ve put several pictures in a gallery so if you are not reading this on Toddlerism itself you’ll probably have to come here to see the gallery).

You can see that the gob-stopper on the Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier is indeed slightly larger than a Nuk 5 pacifier, in terms of both width and length of the stem and also a slight increase in bulb size. This is definitely a pacifier for big kids!

You’ll note my cat intruded onto the bright windowsill where I was trying to photograph the pacifiers. Why? Because it’s Kisu the cat’s special sunny window, of course!

It's Kisu's own sunny window

Doesn’t he look happy without those pacifiers invading his personal space?

So, how is it in action (here’s another gallery of me using it)?

It certainly feels bigger than a Nuk 5 pacifier, both in terms of the soothing end and the shield. The bulb is so big that if I bite down it pulls the pacifier further into my mouth. This is also because the mouth bit stays more full of air than in most Nuk 5 pacifiers That makes it feel quite a mouthful, and as such it is distinctly satisfying to suck.

However, as I mentioned the shield is very heavy and that does tend to pull it out of your mouth if you grip your pacifier any less fiercely than a rabid dog. I went to bed at 10pm last night (and then spent half an hour awake enjoying sucking a nicely proportioned pacifier) and I noticed that the pacifier had fallen out of my mouth when I woke up in a cold, wet patch (incontinence is a superpower, really, just one that causes a lot of sheet washing) at 2am.

After I had put a used towel over the wet patch and examined my nappy to see how it would cope with four more hour’s sleep, I put the Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier back in my mouth, enjoyed sucking it for a few minutes, then fell asleep. Once again, it had fallen out of my mouth by the time I woke up just past 6am.

However, ignoring the wet patch my quality of sleep was superb. Therefore, even if the Baby Pants Classic pacifier did fall out of my mouth whilst I was sleeping on my side, it did soothe me enough for the time it was in, which could have been quite a long time as I bite and suck hard(!), to make me sleep really well. Curse diapers that leak when you sleep on your side…

So the downsides are it is a bit heavy and the baby blue one is not as baby as it could be. The upsides are it has a very well-sized silicone end, which feels really nice in your mouth and it seems to have powerful soothing properties for one who is rather attached to pacifiers and sleeps with one every kip I take.

My conclusion would be, if you are a big little (I’m 6’3″ so reasonably big) and you like pacifiers, for sleep or use during the day, the Baby Pants Classic adult baby pacifier is almost definitely a must buy. I would say avoid the baby blue and get a more colourful one, but no matter what colour Baby Pants Classic pacifier you get prepare to be soothed, relaxed and generally rather pleased. The price is keen, Baby-Pants.com ship quickly (the office is staffed by women, who I have been ordered to call ‘Mommy’, and they have one lucky fellow, kept in diapers whilst he works, who packs and ships the orders with ninja-level speed and efficiency).

Baby-Pants.com are one of the better new breed of adult baby suppliers, who get well designed goods mass-produced and sell them at a reasonable price. This is a far better business model for getting standard quality little clothes than the people who make them by hand. They come in large quantities for a keen unit price and go out the door quickly to an eager market happy with that keen unit price. I hope I continue to send numberless hordes to their website and the mommies and shipping baby do very well for themselves. Go to Baby-Pants.com and buy the Baby Pants Classic pacifier, it will redefine the enjoyment you get from a paci🙂

16/05/2014 Note: See this review of Inner-Child adult pacifiers for my most recent thoughts on the Baby Pants Classic pacifier.


Oh yes, Baby-Pants.com are usually very keen on having some branding on their products, and I found it, or almost it, on the Baby Pants adult baby pacifier. I’ve fiddled with the contast and brightness to make it show up better, here’s the picture:

BYBY PANTS

Look at the base of the sucky bit. It seems better quality control is needed with their supplier’s spelling as I’m sure that says “BYBY PANTS”!


There is a quick addendum to this review, two more products I got from Baby-Pants.com: a onesie in their new ‘cupcakes’ print and some training pants, I’ll show pictures and keep my comments brief.

Firstly, the onesie:

Now this onesie may appear a bit pink, including the details of the trimming and shoulder and crotch snaps. This is fine, pink is a great colour for boys! When I’m big I often wear pink, flowery dress shirts. I am definitely not a sissy!! There’s nothing wrong with being a sissy, but I am not one! As usual with Baby Pants onesies the fit is excellent, with crotch strap at just the right level, and the shoulder snaps are mega-cute! It is a first rate onesie, if you are comfortable with your sexuality (if you’re any flavour of boy, or girl, come to that!).

Now, the training pants. Always order My First Training Pants as these are actually padded enough to stop smallish accidents from ruining clothes (you need to wear plastic pants over them, I should mention). These have saved my trousers and bedclothes on a number of occasions. But don’t rely on them to keep your clothes dry after a full wetting, your clothes will be dark, damped patched-a-go-go.

Before the picture I should say at Toddlerism.com crotch shots are only used when absolutely necessary, and even then they have more than just a bloody tedious picture of a crotch in a nappy. How I hate pictures of crotches in nappies, they are the mark of the unimaginatively titillated and feeble of bragging. I hate, hate, hate crotch shots and the people who post them, so with these training pants you are getting from my knees to my belly. You can click on the picture (like all of mine) to zoom in and get a crotch shot of your own making if you are that kind of saddo. Here’s the training pants:

Baby Pants training pants - not a crotch-shot

As you can see, the print is lovely and cute and once they’ve shrank about 10% after the first wash (they are pure cotton) they will fit me like the women with five legs underwear does her; which is to say they’ll fit me like a glove.

And that, dear friends, is it for tonight, if you are in some unfortunate part of the world where you are just waking up you can go and shop at Baby-Pants.com and expect the shipping baby to have your items out the door before you can say “Effulgent, quaquaversal, nictitating membranes covering the callipygian” twenty times without giggling. I am going to rest my aching back and have a good suck on my little’s dummy. Goodnight!

We are little