I’ve been ill for a few days, and I don’t deal with being ill very well. Indeed, today it seems to have got to me so much that I’ve had rather a disturbed mental state. I’ve constantly been paranoid and felt that something nasty is about to happen to me and this has made me quite unhappy and scared all day. It’s a drag having a mental illness at times.
To help me feel better daddy took me to a relaxed place for lunch and then we went to the toy shop to buy something so we could do something fun together. He got me this Lego dinosaur:
It was fun building it with him, he helped me with the fiddly bits, and then we played with it and some other toys for a while. Sadly I was still feeling ill at ease and drained by a day of being scared of psychotic experiences, so I asked daddy if I could have little lie down.
Daddy put me in a fresh nappy and helped me into my new pyjamas:
The pyjamas are soft, comfortable and cute, but as I was in bed with Toast the teddy I didn’t feel all that comfortable; I felt harassed by things I didn’t understand and I didn’t know if they were really true or there. Then Kisu the cat jumped up onto the end of the bed.
He sniffed my feet, walked up my back and stepped off my shoulder onto my pillow. He obviously liked being so close to me as he started purring and curled up on my pillow right next to me. I put my arm around him to give him a cuddle and gave him a bit of a stroke. He rested his chin on my arm and quickly fell asleep.
I know Kisu was asleep because he snores – quite loudly, but in a very funny, cute manner. With the cat cuddled up asleep by my head with my arm around him I found myself relaxing quite a lot. It must have been less than ten minutes before I fell asleep.
Four hours later I woke from dreams of stroking the cat whilst watching cricket, far nicer than last night’s warped dreams of terror, to find the cat had adjusted his position to rest his head against my forehead. My nappy was also swollen and soaked (but hadn’t leaked! Hooray!); I was comfortable and had slept deeply and restfully.
I’m still not feeling entirely brilliant, a bout of insanity doesn’t go that easily and I’ll have a couple of days yet before I’m OK, but being a little boy cuddled up asleep with his lovely cat, in cute pyjamas and a nappy, lifted a lot of the fear and tension out of the atmosphere.
Soon after I woke up daddy came into bed (and the cat ran off, but that was ok) and gave me cuddles, tenderly changed my nappy and promised me that I’d feel all right soon. With the help of daddy and Kisu the cat I did feel a lot better – I am so pleased they were there to help and pleased I could appreciate their help. Perhaps I’m not as bonkers as I used to be…