Corner time and control issues

I just had time in the corner on the time out spot! I hate corner time! I put a cocktail cherry in daddy’s glass of water and I thought it was funny but I had AGES in the corner for it. Poo!

Not so long ago this couldn’t have happened. I had a problem. I didn’t realise it was a problem, but it certainly was one. Most of my life I’ve demanded of myself that I be triumphantly in control of every situation and make sure everything ran smoothly and as I wanted it to. Even as a nineteen year old at Oxford University in tutorials with some of the very cleverest academics I may not have given the tutorials but I was certainly the person running them and made sure I got out of them what I wanted.

Sadly, it is is very hard to have such high demands of yourself and expect brilliant performance and competence all the time. Consequently, it has been great to realise that not only one cannot be in control of every situation, but also sometimes I want other people to be in control of things in general and me in particular.

So I’ve come to understand that sometimes I have to do what I’m told, even if it is something I don’t like such as corner time. I get a hug at the end of corner time, so I know I’m still loved and that other people being in control is ok because they are looking after me in doing so.

Such personal development is a constant process. At the end of last year I showed someone the picture below to show how I’d go dressed to their ‘alternative’ New Year party:

Davy in shortalls with Buzzle the bear. This is how I went dressed to a New Year party.

When she saw the picture my friend said, “Oh, so you are sub then?”

I was rather surprised and said, “Oh no! No!, I’m not sub, I’m just a little boy.” That was a pretty stupid thing to say, being four is definitely sub in some regards. I’ve realised my answer should have been “Sometimes, yes” and that’s just a fine thing to answer. It’s ok for other people to be in charge, and I like that. If I am going to be a little boy then I’d be foolish not to realise an accept that.

Daddy gives takes control of what I do and gives me corner time because he cares about me and wants me to understand I’ve been bad. I may not like it, but it is good he cares and takes control of my behaviour when I’m out of line. How would I continue to learn otherwise?